Have you ever felt different to other people? Did you grow up feeling different to everyone else? Did you grow up knowing that you were different? Did you grow up feeling like you didn’t fit in and didn’t belong? Did you grow up feeling that difference was a bad thing? I did.
Society, family cultures, education create a one size fits all mentality. That to be accepted and acceptable we need to fit in. Many of us were not celebrated for who we are and allowed to be different. We all know that one size does not fit all. To ‘fit in’ we need to conform, to adapt. The trouble is when we adapt and conform we are doing it to suit someone else’s needs and inadequacies and not for ourselves.
When we adapt we neglect our authentic self, we are judging ourselves. We are taught this from a very early age in many different messages:
"What will the neighbours think?"
"Put other people first, it’s selfish to think of yourself!"
"Why can’t you be more like so and so?"
"Be quiet and do as you are told."
"No, it’s not like that, it’s like this!"
"This is the way we do it."
I am sure you can think of more family myths that you had in your family that became a belief system to adapt to. Sometimes we don’t even stop and think, "Is this my belief or someone else's?" Adaption creates anxiety about fitting in as we become preoccupied with how we appear to others, compare ourselves and seek approval. It also teaches us not to accept ourselves just as we are. Sometimes we can be so disconnected from our true self that we have no idea who we are anymore.
The trouble is when we truly don’t believe or think how we have been told to think, then we can believe that we are wrong and therefore something is wrong with us. This is when we can feel different and feel like we don’t fit in, inflicting a negative view on ourselves. What we don’t understand is that these ways are being imposed on us just like they were imposed on those imposing on us. People don’t like to change or do things differently in case it ‘rocks the boat’ or someone else won’t like it. It can seem easier to adapt with the perception of fitting in. Unfortunately when we do this we are neglecting our true selves.
Accepting yourselves stops that feeling of not fitting in. Accepting what you think and how you feel can be liberating. Don’t try to fit in for others as you fit in perfectly with you. Give yourself that permission to be you whatever that means for you. People secretly admire difference as an unexpressed part of themselves wanting to be expressed.
As Oscar Wilde wrote:
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.
Shine, be you, there is no one else like you, the universe does not make mistakes, trust in your beauty, you are here to be different, be your unique self and make a difference in the world. Your energy is unique to the world and if you don’t share it we all miss out. We can only evolve through being different not through being the same. Each day choose to be who you truly are.
Do you ever have that part of you that really wants to do something and then you just feel a block of something that says I can’t? Sometimes I do. A tug of war starts between I really want to do it and I just can’t do it. So which do you listen to? Maybe for a while it’s to the part of you that says ‘I can’t do this’. When this happens to me, I find myself procrastinating and doing all the jobs that I have been putting off doing. A momentary feeling of delight with all the jobs I have done until I remember what it is that I really want to be doing. My heart sinks. The tug of war starts again, ‘come on just do it’ vs ‘I can’t’. A block that feels like a brick wall inside me. What’s behind this block? Fear, what ifs, anxiety, frustration, keeping me shut down, keeping me small. It’s courage I need, but what is courage anyway and where can I buy some because I’m not feeling it right now. Is courage an emotion that we actually feel anyway?
We can listen to the part of us that says ‘I can’ and we can listen to the part of us that says ‘I can’t’. Both are true depending on which voice we listen to. I really believe where our attention goes, energy flows so we create our own reality.
There are different definitions of what courage actually is. The Collinsdictionary.com states,
Courage as the quality shown by someone who decides to do something difficult or dangerous, even though they may be afraid.
Another definition from the Dictionary.com states,
Courage as the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear, bravery.
According to these contradicting definitions is courage with or without fear?
Courage is a curious word and has got me thinking. What does it actually mean? Do we ever ‘feel’ courageous. Do we ever think of ourselves as ‘courageous’? Is courage something we think we need to feel before doing something that we feel anxious about? Or do we only ever think that other people are courageous or have courage and not ourselves?
When we feel fear, we definitely do not feel brave or courageous so is it only when we do something we fear doing that means we are courageous, or can we still be courageous doing something that we didn’t fear doing? Maybe it’s both.
What makes my heart sing is; the root word for courage is Coeur, which is French for the word heart. The heart seeks truth. Seeking truth even when we feel fear, or even when we fear feeling fear. Speaking our truth and living in ways that are true to our own soul. They say that we either feel love or we feel fear and that we don’t feel the two together. What it seems to me this word is saying is that to be courageous is to feel fear and at the same time be driven by our heart, love, and do it anyway.
Courage is a love affair with the unknown
Psychotherapist, Vibrational Healer, Kundalini Yoga Teacher, Earth energy medicine explorer, Seeker of truth, Wild walker, Intuitively led, Exploring the expansive inner landscapes as the compass that guides us, Adventurer of life, Creating community connections.
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