To Be, or Not To Be, Different

Have you ever felt different to other people? Did you grow up feeling different to everyone else? Did you grow up knowing that you were different? Did you grow up feeling like you didn’t fit in and didn’t belong? Did you grow up feeling that difference was a bad thing? I did.

Society, family cultures, education create a one size fits all mentality. That to be accepted and acceptable we need to fit in. Many of us were not celebrated for who we are and allowed to be different. We all know that one size does not fit all. To ‘fit in’ we need to conform, to adapt. The trouble is when we adapt and conform we are doing it to suit someone else’s needs and inadequacies and not for ourselves.

When we adapt we neglect our authentic self, we are judging ourselves. We are taught this from a very early age in many different messages: 
"What will the neighbours think?"
"Put other people first, it’s selfish to think of yourself!"
"Why can’t you be more like so and so?"
"Be quiet and do as you are told."
"No, it’s not like that, it’s like this!"
"This is the way we do it."
I am sure you can think of more family myths that you had in your family that became a belief system to adapt to. Sometimes we don’t even stop and think, "Is this my belief or someone else's?" Adaption creates anxiety about fitting in as we become preoccupied with how we appear to others, compare ourselves and seek approval. It also teaches us not to accept ourselves just as we are. Sometimes we can be so disconnected from our true self that we have no idea who we are anymore.

The trouble is when we truly don’t believe or think how we have been told to think, then we can believe that we are wrong and therefore something is wrong with us. This is when we can feel different and feel like we don’t fit in, inflicting a negative view on ourselves. What we don’t understand is that these ways are being imposed on us just like they were imposed on those imposing on us. People don’t like to change or do things differently in case it ‘rocks the boat’ or someone else won’t like it. It can seem easier to adapt with the perception of fitting in. Unfortunately when we do this we are neglecting our true selves.

Accepting yourselves stops that feeling of not fitting in. Accepting what you think and how you feel can be liberating. Don’t try to fit in for others as you fit in perfectly with you. Give yourself that permission to be you whatever that means for you. People secretly admire difference as an unexpressed part of themselves wanting to be expressed.

As Oscar Wilde wrote:

Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.

​Shine, be you, there is no one else like you, the universe does not make mistakes, trust in your beauty, you are here to be different, be your unique self and make a difference in the world. Your energy is unique to the world and if you don’t share it we all miss out. We can only evolve through being different not through being the same. Each day choose to be who you truly are.